In a hurry

For the past few months I have found myself stressing about life and where I'm going. I've spent all of my spare time thinking about what I want to do for a career and how I want to spend the rest of my life. I've spent a lot of time "soul searching" and asking myself what my goals are, what I'm passionate about, how I want life to look in ten years and what I need to do to make that happen. I have always kept a long list of things that I would like to do after I graduate, but many of them are things that I want to do just for the adventure and experience of it, not things that will further me professionally. My list of "to-dos" is mostly comprised of activities, like working on a summer camp staff for example, that would only delay any type of lifelong career that I'm dreaming of, so I had pushed them aside.

As I reflect back on my mindset and how "the real world" has seemed since graduation six months ago, I realize that it has felt like a race. There is a stark contrast between this race and the slow and steady pace of my thirteen year preparation for my future out of school. The day those thirteen years came to a close, the maddening race began. At first the rush consisted of frantically looking for a job for right after graduation rushing. Once the job was secured, next was thinking at least a year ahead to graduate school, which degree, which state? What about networking? Where in my timeline is marriage and kids? What will my lifelong career be? Every step I take toward completing one goal, it is no time before I am frantically thinking about my next move. The second I grabbed hold of my diploma, the floodgates opened and I felt the pressure to have my whole life planned out, not allowing a single second to go to waste; a mindset that allows for no uncertainty. And while there is value in thinking and planning ahead and recognizing that decisions I make now may affect me down the road, I realized that if I continued at this rate and did not allow time for uncertainty and exploration, for adventure and following dreams that do not make sense for me professionally, I would always be tirelessly working to get ahead, but missing the point of it all, the journey. One day I would stand at the finish line looking back at abandoned dreams and lost opportunities and wondering why I was in such a hurry to arrive.

To gain some perspective, the other day I stepped back from my whirlwind of hastiness and asked myself, "So what? So what if you go to grad school two years later than you hoped? So what if you don't rush into the seriousness and commitment of a lifetime career yet?" I thought the answer would be, "It will change everything!" But when I answered honestly, there was relief in the conclusion that while my long-term goals would not be affected much, I would gain a great deal by allowing myself the time to pursue dreams I had pushed aside. I realized that once it's too late, once I have a mortgage and bills to pay and children's mouths to feed, I may look back and regret the season of my life when I had the freedom and ability to pursue my small dreams, but I let them pass me by.

This season is unique and should be cherished, not thrown to the wind. Hindsight is always 20/20, but when I look back I want to know that I dared to live and I dared to stay out of the box that society tells me my life should look like. This season is irreplaceable, take advantage of it, relish it, don't become so serious that you forget to enjoy the journey.