Beauty for Ashes

The concept of beauty is something that, as women, we are faced with every day. Whether we realize it or not, everywhere we turn, media is telling us what beauty is, from magazine articles describing the next best beauty product, to songs with lyrics that paint sensuous women, to billboards of airbushed and digitally altered women for companies advertising anti-wrinkle cream. We all too often buy clothing that is meant to accent and flaunt certain areas of our body so that we look sexy and feel confident. But what we fail to realize is that by purchasing such clothing that is designed to show just a little more than may be necessary, we are buying into the dark and twisted lie that society continually feeds us: We are only as valuable as our sexual desirability.

It is not just the idea of how to be beautiful that is twisted, it is what we are told the very definition of beauty is. You see, beauty is no longer viewed as something you are, but beauty has shifted to something you do. Once we realize how we have been taught to view beauty, we can understand why we never feel quite beautiful enough; it's hopeless. Because we view beauty as something we do, we can never do enough of it. We think, "If I could be a little tanner, a little thinner, slightly more defined, have slightly larger breasts, have a complexion that is a little more clear, have a little less cellulite, have a little whiter teeth..." and the list only continues. It's no wonder we never feel quite good enough.

This brings me to the second issue. Beyond having a skewed understanding of beauty itself, we are mislead in our understanding of how to feel beautiful. We are lead to think that our beauty is found, discovered, and seen by others and it is only when others view us as beautiful that it must be true and we can therefore believe it ourselves. This too seems hopeless. Sure, people will often validate your beauty and make you feel worthy of viewing yourself as beautiful, but what about those times that they don't? The problem is, when you give someone the power to validate you, you also allow them the power to invalidate you. If we base our worth in the way people view us, what happens when they fail to validate us? Will we allow this to change the way we view ourselves when we look in the mirror?

Now, I'm not talking about individuals we may not like, or really even know, I'm talking about individuals whose opinions matter to us, whose opinions we trust. Maybe nine out of ten times they validate our beauty, but because they are only human, they will let us down at some point. Will we let that one time change how we view ourselves? How can we sit around waiting for someone to tell us we are beautiful before we feel so?

In thinking about the concept of beauty, I tried to recall women that I have found captivatingly beautiful and understand the common threads between them. I found that all the women I viewed as gorgeous, confidently viewed themselves as such before I ever did. The women I have found the most beautiful are women who are not at all conceited or vain, but still view themselves as beautiful, take pride in who they are, and do not place their worth in the fragile hands of others. Others looking at these women from a distance may have said that their looks were nothing out of the ordinary, but it was not their face value (forgive the pun) that was striking; instead it was the way that each woman carried herself because of the true source of her self-worth and self-image. It was this deeply rooted view of her beauty that emanated out of her in every aspect of who she was that caused her to be absolutely radiant. It was not from others viewing her as beautiful that made her feel so, rather it was because she viewed herself as such that everyone else could not help but see her beauty.

To find the real truth in complete beauty, this seemingly unattainable characteristic, we must change our mindset and the source of our self-worth. We must have a strong foundation for our own self-image before we ever allow someone the opportunity to invalidate us. We are worth more than being ruled by the notions of others. We must find our worth in something much more deeply rooted than man could ever offer. Maybe then we will find the true meaning of beauty, allowing it to emanate and radiate from us, rather than allowing ourselves to be sold the cheapened version that society offers.

Getting to the Point

As a recent college graduate, my life has been full of transitions, some more expected than others. With graduation comes moving out and away from what has been home for the past four years, finding a new home or returning to your old roots, searching for a job or looking toward grad school...the list only continues. My journey involved moving back home, letting go of some of my independence (not to mention pride), settling in to a 40-hour work week, doing something new, but by no means invigorating, coping with being surrounded by few friends, and letting go of spontaneity. I know I am one of many who have been thrown into what parents and professors have up until now referred to as "the real world," learning how to swim, or what I would like to refer to as catching dandelions. Someone once told me that every time she made a wish on a dandelion and watched the seeds disperse through the air, she pictured each seed as a different one of her dreams being taken and swept up with the breeze. This imagery always stuck with me as I remembered being a young girl hoping with everything in me that my dandelion wish would come true. Up until graduation from college, we spend our lives dreaming of when we grow up and are no longer in school and how we want to spend our lives thereafter. I am in the midst of searching, as I know so many others are currently, will be in the future, or may remember being in long ago. This blog will simply be my written journey of processing through my twenties and trying to catch those dandelions that hold my dreams and make them a reality.